Day One

Well, today is day one. Of many things. Day one of writing a blog. Day one of school after the summer for my 10 year old daughter. Day one of school for the children that I work with. Day one of work for me. Um, scratch that, not day one of work but day one for me of not working. 

Huh? 

Nope, no work for me for at least the next 18 months. And not to worry, I have not lost my job. I am pregnant with my third child (get it? the name of the blog)!!! That's the good news. The bad news - I have a hard time being at home. 

Let me explain. Since I work with young children who have autism in a school setting, I am not able to work while I am pregnant. I am put on preventative leave and get to sit in my house and go stir-crazy for the next 8 months, and then go just plain crazy for the next 12 months before getting back out into the real world. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely lucky to have this opportunity. I get paid to be at home. How can that possibly be a bad thing?

Well, I can tell you. I did this all not that long ago. My son will be 2 years old on Friday, and I spent 21 months at home beginning in January 2009 through last August. And I didn't do well. The thing with me is that if I have nothing pressing, or no big responsibility, I get lazy. The more I sit, the harder it is. I thrive with a schedule. I thrive when I have things to do. Unfortunately, cooking and cleaning do not seem to motivate me enough to keep me motivated. When I work, I am driven. I know that others are relying on me. I know that I have to be at work, am expected to show up at a certain time, and am expected to do my job. Sure, at home I have a husband and two children who require my attention. The children need me to get them ready in the morning, and then off to school or day care. But then, they do not require me until 4pm. So what is left for me to do? Clean the house? Prepare that night's supper? Ugh!!! If I am able to get myself started to clean or plan supper, I'm ok. Once in the grove, I go all out. And after, I feel a sense of worth. I feel satisfied. I feel content that I accomplished something. But, the next time that the house needs cleaning? Another struggle to force myself to do it.

Actually, the first few weeks, at least, shouldn't be too bad. I still feel good. I am 4 weeks pregnant, and so far, don't feel any different other than having to pee all the time, and a little more tired. Besides that, normal. So, until I start to get REALLY tired, or actually feel pregnant, I should be able to motivate myself a little more. But after those feelings begin, forget it! I'm done for.

So, I have a plan of action. I told myself that when we decided to have this third baby, that I would make the most of it. It will most likely (unless I really do lose my mind) be my last pregnancy, so therefore my last opportunity to be at home.....until I retire....a LONG time from now. So, I am determined to make it worth it. I am determined to keep the house clean. I am determined to have supper planned and ready when everyone comes home. I am determined to have all the closets organized, and all the laundry done, on a regular basis. I am determined to finish my 10 year old daughter's baby scrapbook. I am determined to be the mother and wife that I want to be.  So, how will I accomplish all this, you ask?  I will make myself a schedule. I will make a list, and I will follow through. I will join activities, so that I have things that I need to attend, and therefore have to arrive at a certain time. I will get up and shower first thing so that I feel ready for the day. And, I will write a blog about all of it....so that I have to sit on my couch on the computer and be held accountable for not doing the dishes, or the housecleaning.